Do you ever have one of these mornings, waking up and feeling old ? The body of a 20-year old but 40 in your head ? Happens to me sometimes when I have a lot of work. I don’t feel tired at all, just very heavy and resigned and aspiring to nothing but a calm, uneventful day. Stumbling upon beer bottles and remains of a 2am McDonald’s orgy in the corridor I mumble something about kids but I am one of the kids… When a friend says something about a prank involving Chinese spicy powder, I sigh. Where’s my enthusiasm ? If it was any other day I would be the one excitedly planning stupid jokes and crazy things. But today I have the mind of an old man. I don’t want any surprises, any change, any noise, any movement at all. Not sleepy, not tired, just old. I guess it’s about all this work I have to do ; some people would spend their day running from one thing to another just to avoid it, they would do their laundry, read the instructions on the side of every box in their room, watch cat videos, call everyone in their address book, run a 5K… all this with lots of energy and creativity of course. Me ? Meh, I just climb the stairs at 0.05 mph, thinking « Well, let’s do a bit of work, hmmm… and eat an apple, hmm… pick up that parcel at the reception, hmm… » (try to read this in Yoda’s voice and you’ll have a pretty accurate version of it).
Is this something you have to go through when growing up ? It sure feels like it. Getting annoyed at young people’s antics, being all resigned about work, feeling satisfied with a dull, organized, uneventful, middle-of-the-road day. It feels like some sort of weariness of the mind, like thinking « Okay, today I want no surprises, let’s have a boring, serious, studious day » and doing everything like a robot, emotionless and slow but efficient.
I feel old but maybe it’s just maturity. Maybe I just forgot to take my meth. Meds ! Meds ! I mean meds.
Coming soon : a chess match commentary ; group sewing ; group sawing ; C++ and HTML lessons ; watching paint dry ; and lots of other exciting stuff.
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Well, let’s do some work. I guess. Yawn.